


im a goner, somebody catch my breath

by pluvieux



Category: Poetry - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Daydreaming, OCD, Poetry, yeet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 20:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6921199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pluvieux/pseuds/pluvieux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>piggybacking off of my earlier exclamation of shouting words to an empty auditorium,</p><p>that's probably the only way that i could ever currently voice out my thoughts, now that i think about it</p><p>if it were full, would i really be comfortable exposing myself, tearing down my own walls to reveal []</p><p>i don't want my true colours shown to the world</p>
            </blockquote>





	im a goner, somebody catch my breath

**Author's Note:**

> reality check reality check reality check reality check

daydreaming has always been my enemy  
forgetting the real world to invest myself in another for hours on end  
running in circles in the entertainment room,  
running back + forth  
from the kitchen to the dining room  
i ignore the pain plaguing on the bottom of my feet 

i always chew on something,  
snacks + ice  
or i flick a pen, a marker  
sometimes i listen to music

sometimes i can never finish a few books  
bc i find myself investing in them so much  
that i put them down, get up  
\+ start running

i started to dread swimming just for the fact that  
i could be running, daydreaming  
but then i started daydreaming while swimming  
another horrible way as to how it's taking over my fucking life

i don't trust my imagination anymore,  
my energetic body always moving  
always fucking moving

my thoughts bouncing from one to another  
i can never focus  
unless my name is addressed,  
i will zone out + lose myself in my mind

another issue i can't get over,  
my constant obsession with tearing myself apart  
picking at my words, my actions, the seams of my heart  
i drown myself, vehemently belittling myself

i don't think my self harm is really derived from self hatred,  
but instead the frustration of wanting  
everything to be even

the frustration of just wanting to busy my hands  
so that they don't flick + flutter  
so that i don't embarrass myself  
i'd rather make myself bleed.

i think in unnecessary poetry  
"he just kissed me, he just looked at me,  
he's speaking, his voice is made up of piano keys, of violin strings,  
his eyes are staring into my soul, i swear, he knows me all too well,  
his lips, please bless me again, i'm so in love with you"

i walk too confidently  
\+ sometimes my foot doesn't find a surface  
but instead a slide,  
so i fall into my thoughts  
\+ i stay there, for hours

running back + forth  
running in circles  
flicking my hands, wringing them,  
bending each finger  
or eating,  
be it ice or just a snack in general

i grow angry when my family stops me  
like withdrawal, i feel the need to grow in my chest

sometimes,  
i'll retreat into the garage  
just so i can run  
even though it terrifies me,

the way the crawl space is always open, even though,  
i swear we left it closed.

my imagination seeping out,  
i'll speak + laugh + cry when i'm daydreaming  
investing myself entirely into another world

my granny comes downstairs,  
\+ asks me why i am crying so hard  
\+ i realise that oh,  
it was just a daydream,  
\+ i calm down,

then run again amongst lighter thoughts. 

daydreaming will always be my enemy  
the way that i have calluses on the bottom of my feet  
the way that sometimes i cannot tell what is real or not  
due to my overly massive imagination

i think i put two + two together perfectly  
but my mind puts in unnecessary additions  
\+ i break down to what i think is the truth,  
jumping conclusions to give way to my apprehensions

i ruin my own life.

**Author's Note:**

> gravity on me never let me down, yeah gravity never let me down no no gravity i don't pull me down i don't pull me down on me i don't pull me down i don't pull me down on you i don't pull me down i don't pull me down on me i don't pull me down i don't pull me down on you


End file.
